SHUT UP AND LISTEN!

I've been spending the past week talking to quite a few people on the phone. Long story - but there are some new things happening soon and I've been talking to a few potential suppliers. I'll say no more about that for now.

But I've got to say that, in general, their sales techniques have been absolutely bloody awful!!!

And if you're about to switch off because you don't work in sales or you're not interested in sales - stay with me, because this is important. Sales are about COMMUNICATION - and more to the point - they're about getting what you want.

Every time you open your mouth to talk someone round to your way of thinking - whoever they are - you're attempting to make a sale. And if you want a masterclass in how NOT to do it, give me a shout and I'll put you in touch with all the people I've been talking to this week on the phone.

Ok - I'm being a bit tough on them. It's not their fault and they don't mean any harm. They're trying to do their best, but they're not - repeat NOT - succeeding.

Here's what they did. After the initial 'hi, what can I do for you?', they launched straight into what they THOUGHT they could do for me, what they THOUGHT I wanted, and what THEY had to SELL to me - rather than asking me some nice open-ended questions so I could tell THEM what I wanted. Their sales technique was all about THEM - and not about me. Mistake.

To make matters worse, they also bombarded me with jargon, technical language and that nonsensical 'business language' that so many people seem to speak these days because it makes them feel important or clever. One of these people actually told me that he could help me 'leverage the kind of data that I wanted to action', as long as I was able to 'revert' to him with more 'informations' by the end of the week.

What? Comment? Que? Lo non capisco!

Being a good salesman is about being a good communicator. It goes like this:

1. Ask open-ended questions - beginning with 'What, where, when, who' or 'how'? For example, 'what is it you'd like to achieve, ideally, with this project?' Or, 'how many people do you want to get your message across to, ideally? '

2. Once you've asked your question(s) - shut your mouth and let the other person start talking. And let them finish what they're saying.

3. Once someone has told you what they want, you can then decide if you have something they want to buy from you (a much better way of thinking about it than focusing on what you have to sell)

4. Once you've decided on what they might want from you - tell them. In plain English (or whichever language you're speaking at the time) - but importantly - use their language, not yours. Use the words and phrases they used when they were talking to you. And never, ever, ever use your own (or your company's) jargon.

So next time you're trying to get what you want, try talking a bit less and listening a bit more. It works wonders.

That's all for now,

Mark and Scott

Hi all

It’s time for another addition of the book club and this week I thought I’d share ‘chunk sizes’ with you. Chunk what?! I hear you cry. Well chunk sizes are a great way to win arguments and great way to keep you focused on what’s important. Jeremy Paxman is very good at chunk sizes. So is the Daily Mail.

So, a chunk size is all about how we interpret and deliver information. It is a way of communicating. You’ll either communicate in a detailed and specific way or you’ll communicate in a big picture, headline kind of way. Everyone is different and if you are at the opposite end of the spectrum to someone else you’ll be likely to clash.
Here is a real example that happened to me this week with my ex-neighbour (I still own the flat so I still have to communicate with her).
By the way, my flat has a leaky roof:

Her: There is a leak in my ceiling coming from your terrace – you need to fix it, it’s your roof
Me: No it’s your roof, it’s my roof terrace
Her: It’s leaking through your roof terrace
Me: My roof terrace isn’t designed to stop water - your flat roof is designed to do that
Her: I’m not going to pay - I have a crack in my ceiling
Me: Nor am I, it’s not my roof, it’s yours
Her: But it’s your terrace...
Time out – as you can see at this point we’re not getting very far. We are both in a ‘detailed chunk size’ which is creating a blame frame and a potential row.

Time to change chunk size – time to go ‘big picture’
Me: Ok it is a roof – that means we are all responsible for the roof of the property
Her: Well the others might not agree with that – I’m not paying, I have a crack in my ceiling
Me: But it is a roof isn’t it.
Her: Yes
Me: And if it’s a roof then we are all responsible - and we will be covered by the buildings insurance
Her: Errr yes
Me: So the most important thing is to get the roof fixed and the insurance should cover it – I’ll call the insurance company...

When you see both halves of the conversation written down, it’s easy to see how effective ‘chunking up’ can be - I moved away from the detail and focused on what the big picture was – in this case it was to get the roof fixed.
The trick is this - before you go into a conversation or a potential row, decide what the most important thing you want to achieve is first. Ask yourself ‘what’s the big picture here’?

Once you have that fixed in your mind it will become much more difficult for the other person to ‘drag’ you down to the detail and into an argument.
This technique works in reverse of course but I’ll save that for next time.

Mark & Scott

How to tell if they really like you.

Hi all
My girlfriend tells me it’s Valentine’s day this Sunday! Help! I would love to say that I have everything under control and that I’ve booked a table for two in a snug little corner of our favourite restaurant but...of course I haven’t got round to it yet. How did it come around so quickly? So as the most romantic day of the year (so I’m told) fast approaches I thought I’d share with you my top 5 tips for being able to tell if someone likes you – I mean really likes you! Often when someone fancies you it’s obvious isn’t it – you just know. But what about when you aren’t sure if they like you in the way same way that you like them...
In this edition of ‘book club’:

How to tell if someone fancies the pants off you, or not...

PS – this applies to the girls and the boys.

Alert: How to achieve exactly the opposite of what this edition of book club is about – only take one point in isolation! Each one of the points below must be evident for you to draw an accurate conclusion.

1. LEANING IN: People may be a little cagey with what they say so that they don’t reveal their true feelings, but the non verbals normally give you an accurate picture of what is really going on. So if they lean in towards you while you are talking it means they are interested in what you are saying – this can be an initial sign that they like you.

2. FEET POINTING TOWARDS YOU: The feet really give the game away. If both feet are pointing directly at you then they are interested in you (at some level).

3. AN INNOCENT TOUCH: When we like others in an intimate way we tend to be more tactile than usual. A light brush of the hand or a tap on the arm, for example, seem fairly innocent on the face of it - but when combined with the above two points they can mean much more. The touch will normally be disguised as a part of a necessary ‘action’ to get your attention for a perfectly innocent reason, of course. So keep your eye on their hands and pay attention to any appropriate touching.

4. MORE THAN 5 SECONDS IS A STARE: In our culture the average time for ‘appropriate’ eye contact is somewhere between 2 and 5 seconds – any longer then it becomes a stare. However when we romantically like others our eye contact goes up. So if you find the person is making good eye contact which is just a tad longer than you are used to, then this means they probably like you – and crucially, it won’t feel like a stare.

5. SHARING A SECRET: If the person you are talking with shares a secret with you, or if they talk about something that is close to their heart, something with high emotion in it , it’s a sign of them opening up to you and that they trust you. It also encourages you to reciprocate by sharing your own story/secret. This begins to build a bond between the two of you. When emotional stories are shared it creates a deep level of rapport – the key here is that the stories are shared even when you don’t know them that well.


If all of the above are present when you meet or talk with someone then you can be pretty sure that they like you in a romantic way.
Enjoy!

Mark & Scott
Keep sending your stories and experiences in and we’ll post them on our Blog and our Facebook page – just email:
markandscott@youneedthisbook.co.uk

PS –if you know of any friends who will like these techniques, feel free to forward this mail to them and let them know they can sign up themselves for FREE just by going to www.youneedthisbook.co.uk

10 WAYS TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL CONFIDENT

1. Imagine you’re twice the size that you are until you're filling the whole room.
2. Once you’ve done that, imagine you’re the size of the whole building.
3. Think of a time when you felt really confident in the past – and think about where you were, what you were looking at, what you were hearing and how you were feeling at the time.
4. Switch off that ‘voice in your head’ that tells you you’re not feeling confident - just imagine there’s a volume switch and turn it down.
5. Tell yourself how confident you’re feeling – say to yourself ‘I’m feeling confident because …’
6. If someone or something is intimidating you, imagine them in black and white – with no colour at all - and then shrink them down to a quarter of their size.
7. Hold your head up, look slightly upwards to the sky or the ceiling - and smile to yourself.
8. Think of a song or tune that makes you feel really good and play it to yourself – loudly – in your mind.
9. Think of someone you know – or someone famous – who is always confident, and imagine ‘stepping inside’ their body and becoming that person.
10. Imagine your centre of gravity is in your stomach. Hold it there, firmly – like a cannonball in your middle - and notice how much more secure you’re feeling now.

10 WAYS TO SPOT A LIAR AND A CHEAT

(Remember - to spot a liar you need several of these to add up. Don't jump to any conclusions based on just one or two)


1. FAST BLINKING: people blink more quickly – as they visualise the ‘story’ they’re making up

2. MOVING EYES: Liars move their eyes around a lot while they’re talking – as they process what they’re fabricating in their mind

3. BIGGER PUPILS: If you can get close enough, you’ll see a liar’s pupils dilate – as they go into full ‘alert’ mode and their body starts to pump adrenaline

4. FEET POINTING ELSEWHERE: If someone’s only pretending to be interested in you, their feet will give them away – they’ll be pointing in another direction and not at you

5. SLIGHT FLUSHING: Liars often go very slightly red around the cheeks – caused by feeling self-conscious

6. A TINY BIT MORE SWEATY: Watch out for minute changes in sweat levels – like tiny spots of perspiration on the face, neck and hands

7. VOICE TONE GOES UP: A liar’s tone of voice will usually go up as they tell a lie – and sound slightly shrill

8. TALKING MORE QUICKLY: People speak faster when they tell lies – and they make mistakes and get their words mixed up

9. TOO MUCH DETAIL: When someone’s telling a lie, they’ll often go into unnecessary detail without you asking

10. STIFF MOVEMENTS: People tend to move stiffly, use fewer hand movements and take up less space when they’re lying.

How to solve problems in your sleep

Hi all

This week your options have had a very welcome boost. The recession is over, it’s official! So for the first time in a few years you’ll start feeling like you have a few more options, and more choice. Right now is a great time to stop and think about what you really want and to stop doing the things you don’t want.
In this edition of ‘book club’:

Cut your losses and run - or carry on? Do the things you really want to do!


A quick question for you. How do you know when something isn’t working or when something isn’t right for you any more? That ‘something’ could be the job you are in, a relationship, a fitness regime, a diet, your system for getting the kids to eat their dinner, anything - the list goes on.

Let me put it another way. How do you know when to give things one more try or when to try something else?

Sounds like a bit of a no-brainer question with an even more obvious answer, but actually people often carry on (doing something that’s not working) far longer than they should. So much so that they often end up missing opportunities and feeling a bit **** about their life. And It’s easy to understand why when you think about it. It’s all about the 4 ‘C’s’ - commitment, consistency, choice and change.

People carry on doing things that might not be working for them anymore mostly because of the 4 ‘C’s’.

1 & 2: Commitment & Consistency – nobody likes to be inconsistent, unreliable, hot one minute but cold the next, wishy washy or flaky, do they? Inconsistency in humans in an undesirable trait, that’s why when you set out on a path and make that path known to your friends and family you tend to stick to it.

Ever walked into a restaurant, sat down, looked at the menu and then walked out? Difficult isn’t it? That’s commitment & consistency kicking in. Commitment & consistency is good at getting you to carry on with things but if it’s the wrong thing you are ‘carrying on’ with then it becomes bad.

3: Choice – people tend to carry on doing things the same way because they feel they have no choice. This is never true. We always have more choice. If you’ve finished the book you’ll know this already so I’ll say no more. If you haven’t, then all you need to know is that there are techniques to generate more choices if you don’t feel you have any.

4. Change – a lot of people don’t like change. They stick to what they know, better the devil you know and all that…this allergic reaction to change keeps people doing the same thing even when it is bad because they think the new thing will be worse. This is hardly ever the case.

So that’s what keeps people doing the same thing over and over even when the thing they are doing is bad for them. So how do you figure out if what you are doing is bad in the first place? How do you get enough clarity and distance so you can see the wood AND the trees?

Simple.

Just sleep.

The next time you’re in bed and ready to sleep, ask yourself this question a few times before you nod off – ‘Shall I give it one more try or shall I try something different’?’ And of course you might have your own version of that question. Once you have done this, just go to sleep and when you wake up ask yourself the question again and the answer will pop into your head. Trust me - this works, just try it. And even if it doesn’t work the first time around, try it again over the next few nights and the answer will come. This works because your question bypasses conscious thought and uses the subconscious to give you the answer, but you knew that already…


Mark & Scott
Keep sending your stories and experiences in and we’ll post them on our Blog and our Facebook page – just email:
markandscott@youneedthisbook.co.uk

PS –if you know of any friends who will like these techniques, feel free to forward this mail to them and let them know they can sign up themselves for FREE just by going to www.youneedthisbook.co.uk

Don't Look Down! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Whatever the time is now as you read this - don't think about your favourite snack. And don't think of a nice thirst-quenching drink. And don't - whatever you do - think about whether your left elbow might be starting to itch.

I made this very mistake earlier this week. I was appearing as a guest on a BBC TV show to talk about goal setting and how important it is to take the time to set proper, well defined goals before you try to take any action to achieve them. Just before it was my turn to go on the set, I cleared my throat gently (and quietly - because the show was live). 'I hope I don't get a frog in my throat while I'm on air', I said to myself. And as I said that to myself, I found myself imagining having to clear my throat while I was talking on TV. And as I imagined that, I said to myself again 'I hope that doesn't happen'. And I started imagining it even more.

Guess what. Yep. Halfway through my interview, I started croaking. I coughed. 'Excuse me', I said, and I carried on. I started croaking again a minute later. I coughed again. I carried on.

It wasn't the end of the world. The interview went fine. They said they'd like to have me on the show again. But whose fault was it that I got that frog in my throat? Mine.

The more you think about NOT doing something, the more you fret about it. And the more you hope that it doesn't happen - the MORE LIKELY IT IS that it WILL!

Turn your thoughts around. Instead of hoping a bad thing DOESN'T happen - tell yourself you're sure that a good thing WILL. Instead of saying to myself 'I hope I don't have to clear my throat on air,' - I should have said 'I know I'll be fine now that I've cleared my throat before the interview'. Instead of 'I hope I don't lapse and break my New Year's resolution,' - tell yourself 'I'm doing well - and I know that with every day that goes by, I'm doing even better'. Your brain works best if you tell it what you WANT it to do, rather than what you don't want it to do. There's a reason for that - it's explained in the book - but there's not really enough space to go into it here.

And if you find yourself walking a tightrope from the top of one skyscraper to another... tell yourself anything you like ... except 'don't look down'.

'Quicky' Goal Setting Guide

Following on from Scott's goal setting interview on BBC2's Working Lunch here's how you can set and achieve your goal.

This works for professional and personal goals.

1. State your goal in the positive If you want to give up chocolate for example, saying to yourself 'I'm not going to eat chocolate' will only get you thinking about chocolate even more - not good!

Do this now - don't think about a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk - I said don't! Impossible isn't it. Always think about what you DO want - i.e. 'I want to eat healthier foods like fruit and veg'. Thinking about what you DO WANT(INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU DON'T WANT) steers you away from temptation/possible failure and towards a solution.

2. Ask yourself this question ' How will I know when I have achieved my goal?'

This sounds like an obvious question to ask but this aspect of goal setting is often overlooked. Think specifically about what it will be like when you have completed your goal; ask yourself 'what will be different?’,’ where will I be?', 'what will I be doing?', 'how will I feel?' etc.

Follow the two simple steps above and you'll massively improve your chances of achieving your goal!

For the full version of goal setting (to get what you want) read chapter 6 (Plan) and chapter 7 (Get Inside Their Head) in You Need This Book!

How not to get what you want...

I admit it - I do hate Mondays and yesterday was more ‘Mondayish’ than usual. It’s amazing, isn’t it, how particular words can strike fear into the heart of normal, level headed, resilient types – the words in question were ‘Tax Return’. Now you know why my Monday was so ‘Mondayish’.
Here’s what happened.
I’d been putting off completing the online self assessment tax form for as long as possible and as a result my PIN activation code had long since expired. So there I was tapping away trying to log on to the system and failing miserably. To make matters worse my internal dialogue was saying ‘How am I meant to complete this if I can’t even notice that the PIN is out of date – what a total idiot you are. Useless’.
Thank you internal dialogue!
Still, I played to my strengths and decided to enlist the help of my more spreadsheet-minded girlfriend. As it turned out this was a bad idea. The conversation soon descended into a shouting match, chiefly because I didn’t have any of the figures -- or any clue. Sorry Eliza…
By this time I’m really mad – time to call the nice people at HMRC! The conversation went something like this.
Where’s my PIN?! Just give me a new one over the phone.
Sorry sir you’ll have to request a new activation code online- it will take seven working days.
For God sake that’s ridiculous. Why can’t you give it to me now? Why?
Sorry sir you’ll have to request a new activation code online - it will take seven working days.
This is a total joke; if I get fined for being late I’m not paying it. I mean it, I’m not.
You get the jist…
Now that I’ve slept on yesterday’s events - let’s look at what happened, and at what I should have done instead.

It all started with those two little words ‘Tax Return’. When I said those words to myself, certain pictures instantly sprung to mind; pictures of piles of paperwork falling off my desk, me trawling through expense spreadsheets, pens, more paper, calculators, me rubbing my forehead, writing down formulas and raiding my not so well organised filing cabinet…
Is it any wonder that I had been putting this off!

Those pictures put me in a bad mood even before I started; those pictures turned my brain into a problem seeking missile, so that when I actually did make a start all I wanted to do was ‘seek’ problems and ‘seek’ excuses not to do it. By the time I called the poor lady at the HMRC I was close to meltdown. Not good. That’s why I didn’t get what I wanted – those unhelpful pictures and my unhelpful internal dialogue loomed like a dense layer of fog, slap bang in front of the clarity I needed -the sort of clarity that gets you a bit of rapport and allows you to use the odd technique or two. Nobody is perfect!
Here’s what I’ll do next time.
I’ll make sure I have the right pictures in place first. Pictures that help, pictures that have me completing the tax return successfully, pictures that show how organised I am in advance. I’ll also gently remind myself that I need to make a quick plan detailing exactly how I’m going to get what I want from the HMRC and how I will overcome their faceless system (see You Need This Book chapter 6) before I do a single thing.
And, if I do have to call the HMRC again I’ll use the Being Human technique (see You Need This Book Chapter 13) because obviously they’ll be as inhuman and as bureaucratic as possible. They have to be – to get what they want.

Hi
First things first, a big THANK YOU to everyone that has sent in a story or shared their experience with us after reading ‘You Need This Book’. We really enjoyed reading them, so much so we thought it would be a nice idea to share some of them with you now.

If you haven't already joined our book club here's the type of thing you get access to every week. To join, go to

www.youneedthisbook.co.uk


In this edition of ‘book club’ you’ll get:
Real life stories from book club members about their favourite bits.
How you can have your ‘getting what you want’ questions answered by us, and how you can share your thoughts with other book club members.
So read on…


We’ve cherry picked a few of our favourite emails sent in about the book and listed them below. If you haven’t tried these techniques yourself yet, what’s stopping you?! Here’s what people are talking about...

These subliminal messages seem to be cunningly effective because I woke up this morning thinking “I can choose to be positive today!” Which, I may tell you, is a FIRST for a Monday morning. It was rather a strange feeling…

Just closed the mood matching chapter before changing trains in the metro. Thought I’d test it out for fun, with split-second look-match of commuters hurrying past me in the corridor. When I looked, I thought “preoccupied”, or “in control” or “pissed off” – but when I matched just one little body gesture, I actually FELT different! Straight away! And the mood wasn’t always the one I’d initially read!! So doing that five times in the space of a 50m corridor and feeling five different sensations “just like that” was a really WIERD experience. Like being given a magical power that must be used wisely… Felt quite dangerous in its intensity, actually. Glad you add in the bits of evolutionary biology to remind the reader why it works.
Hmmm…


A client owes the firm I work for a lot of money, over 1 million in fact. I can’t just call in the lawyers because he also puts a significant amount of business our way. Anyway, I started reading the Human/Inhuman chapter and I realised what was going on! He is using a ‘corporate wall’ to hide behind. Every time I contacted him he just brushed me off using corporate bullshit AKA being inhuman. The interesting thing is my response has always been to reply back in an inhuman way too – this has got me nowhere! So I gave it a go - I tried being more human, I stopped emailing and picked up the phone and laid it on thick about how this issue was effecting ME instead the company. I don’t have the money yet but I do have a face to face meeting for the first time in six months! I’ll keep you posted.

Keep sending your stories and experiences in to us and we’ll post them on our Blog and our Facebook page – just email:
markandscott@youneedthisbook.co.uk


Your questions answered!

You’re bound to have a question or two about some of the content in ‘You Need This Book’. Or you might have a few questions about maximising your chances to get what you want. You might even want some advice on dealing with a really tricky person or situation. Don’t worry, in fact, relax. Help is at hand! Just email your question, dilemma or problem to us and we’ll answer it for you! And if you don’t mind sharing it we’ll twitter, blog and Facebook about it too. If you don’t want to share then no problem, we’ll keep it between just me, me and you!
Just drop us an email at the usual address:
markandscott@youneedthisbook.co.uk
We can’t promise to answer every question but we promise to answer as many as we can!
Thanks,
Mark & Scott

Time of Year Or Time For A Change

Firstly, a very Happy New Year to you all!

Now that Christmas has been and gone you're probably back at work, or if not, you soon will be. Commonly at this time of year people get a little bit down in the dumps at the thought of getting up on cold, dark, Winter mornings and going through the daily grind of work.

If your heart sinks at the thought of going back to work here's how to figure out if it just the time of year or if it's time for a change?

Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I like my job? To answer this as objectively as possible go back to November of 2009 and ask yourself did I like my job then?

If your answer was 'Yes' then you can put your current feelings down to the time of year and the transition from Christmas holidays to being back at work again. If this is the case read the tips at the bottom of the page to make things a little less painful.

If the answer was 'No I didn't like my job in November 2009' it's likely that things seem even worse right now, so here are some thought provoking questions to kick start your new year.

Answer the questions below.

1. In an ideal world what would you rather be doing instead?

With this question just go for it, don't feel restricted in anyway with your answers - the only thing you need to do is come up with three or more possibilities.

2. Now select the possibility/ies that is/are the most realistic.

3. What stops you doing the thing/s you would rather be doing? Make a list.

4. Now look at the list and imagine you are offering advice to a friend of yours and tell them what they could do to overcome the obstacles on the list.

5. Now you've got the answers - What's the first thing you are going do to (however small) get the ball rolling?

6. When are you going to do that? Be as specific as possible here.



If you answered 'Yes' to the do I like my job question here's how you make yourself feel a bit better at this time of year.

1. Exercise before work & eat a healthly diet.
3. Watch your favourite funny films in the evening - I can recommend the Anchor Man! I love lamp.
4. Start something new - a hobby or an interest - make it something you enjoy!
5. When you think about work focus your thoughts on the things you like doing or the things/tasks that give you satisfaction. This is a great way to kick start your motivation.
6. Fill your life with your favourite everyday things for example listening to your favourite song, drinking a latte, going for a walk, watching a movie, arm wrestling.. . it doesn't matter just do lots of them.

Before you know it'll be Spring again.



Mark & Scott